Wednesday, September 09, 2009


While loading up the MomMobile (aka 2007 Honda Odyssey) to return to St. Pete after a fabulous Labor Day weekend at my parents' house, my Dad casually said to me, "Hey Trish, there's a lizard in your car." An innocent statement to most. To me? The eight most terrifying words in the English language.

Why? Because I hate lizards but more importantly I am also deathly afraid, phobic, terrified, petrified of them. The sight of one in my house (let alone my car) can induce hours of near-paralysis and Mr. J will attest to my utter inability to function normally until I know it is dead. Through sheer force of will -- and because it would wake up the children -- I no longer scream when I see them, but I do utter a strangled cry and immediately start praying. Mr. J says he knows immediately when he hears that cry that he's up for a lizard hunt.

My Dad tried hard to get that lizard for me. He emptied half a can of Raid into my vehicle, he moved seats, he thrust a pointy umbrella into the small crevices under seats and under the dash. But, ultimately, he lost eye contact with it and it vanished. (If you are trying to get rid of a lizard, Rule #1 is NEVER EVER lose eye contact.) Sadly, there are just too many places in a Honda Odyssey for a lizard to hide. I'll have to write a letter to Honda since that's about the only complaint I have with my ride.

I couldn't sell the car, I couldn't switch cars with my mom (although we considered it), and I couldn't just stay there for the rest of my life. So, ultimately, we had to leave. I made the 2 hour drive home on red alert. For the first 45 minutes I cried silently in terror. The kids, who are not afraid of lizards, treated me with utter kindness and only shouted out "There it is!" once or twice before they realized it wasn't in the least bit funny. Eventually I settled on driving with my eyes firmly fixed straight ahead. I was so scared that I'd look down at the floor and see it. Or that it'd be hanging from the visor ready to drop on my lap. I spent major mental energy steeling myself in case I did see it because I was seriously worried that it WOULD pop out and then I'd lose control and have/cause an accident - especially bad since I had the kids with me.

So now we're on Lizard Standoff Day 3. I haven't seen the lizard. Can it be alive after two days in a closed-up car in 90+ degree weather? It has to get up to around 110 in there right? Plus no food or water, surely it's dead or found a way out. Right? But without a body for proof, I imagine it's under my seat waiting to sproing out at me.

1 comment:

turnitupmom said...

LOL....I can so relate. It would have been hard for me to concentrate on the road. Good thing that lizard didn't pay you a visit while driving- yikes! I just found an advantage to living in the Northeast (esp. during the winter!!)