I started my new career when Dags was not quite 2, leaving a job & a career that I loved. It was an incredibly hard decision. I worked for a great company with people I was really friends with; I learned a lot and I think I contributed a lot too. So the decision to become a SAHM was unusually protracted and I tried to keep working for as long as I could before Mr. J and I decided that the place that I truly needed to be was at home. We are blessed and I am grateful that I have been able to continue to stay at home.
Even so there have been times, especially since Anders was born, where I questioned what I was doing. I felt jealous that I couldn't go out to lunch, or shop, or relax like I used to. I even missed the positive feedback and approval of my co-workers. So much of being a SAHM can be seen as drudge work. It is an incredibly thankless job.
But then, right about the beginning of this past summer, I suddenly realized that one of the reasons I was feeling stressed and confused and envious of my friends who seemed to have more free time was that I had been trying to do too much, focusing on the wrong things and not really thinking about what it means to be a SAHM. I am a HOMEMAKER. I make our home what it is. Mr. J may provide the means, but I am the catalyst for almost everything here. If the kids are miserable and cranky, it is my job to figure out why and help them learn to work things out. If the house is dirty, it is my privilege to clean it and watch it sparkle and shine. Accepting these things, rather than inwardly rebelling against them, helped me to have a much more positive outlook. An "attitude of gratitude" as they say at school.
So today, after yet another sleepless night with Anders up every 20 minutes, I reached down deep, said a prayer and dove in to my day with a smile on my face. Laundry, cleaning, fluffing pillows and sheets, baking a pumpkin spice cake ... I asked for all of this and in return? The satisfaction of a job well done. By me. For my family.
Also? It doesn't hurt that we're inaugurating our anniversary present tonight:
Yeah, you're darn right that's a 45,000 BTU, 3-burner, rotisserie-and-side-burner-equipped, granite work-surfaced, stainless steel grill hooked up conveniently to the natural gas line at our house (no toting LP tanks for me). What more could a girl want after 10 wonderful years of marriage?!